Looking Without Seeing

But the serpent said to the woman, "You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." ~Genesis 3:4-5

 You shall not bow down to them [gods] or serve them, for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love me and keep my commandments. ~Exodus 20:5-6

Year 2. Oh how tempting it is to look again without seeing. Familiar streets and walls pass before my eyes like scenes from a movie that repeat over and over again. The jostling and swaying of a taxi ride, the midnight howling of a neighbor's dog, the taste of milk in a bag, the turning of a key to unlock my apartment door, the weight of a wool blanket around my shoulders, the smell of a street vendor's food.. The magnificent stretch of Andes mountains on the horizon. Once, everything was new. Once, I floated through crowded streets, feeling rootless in a strange place. Now, I look again. Now, I am beginning to understand this place I call home.

It would be easy to return to Bolivia in a state of complacency. Complacency mixed with a small dose of victory. After all, survival mode has mostly shutdown. I no longer feel the acute sensation of treading water that I did seven months ago. I no longer dread running errands alone or fear for my life on the commute to and from school. Now my fear is that familiarity will diminish an urgency to learn, to soak up new experiences, to walk into this culture with my eyes open. 

When I first walked into the world of La Paz, I did what any ordinary tourist would do: I based everything I saw on my former experiences. I interpreted life through an American lens. And, according to my personality, I erred on the side of judgment. 'Why doesn't anyone show up to meetings on time? Where are all the police cars to control this crazy traffic? Don't they know how uncomfortable it is to greet a complete stranger with a kiss?' My complaints oftentimes took me to places of resentment instead of acceptance. I was looking, but I wasn't seeing.

What I didn't see was the heart of Bolivia. I missed the connection between what I saw and what it really meant to this culture. As in every heart, there are 'savage insecurities' that either Satan can use to destroy us or God can use to redeem us. 

...For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened and you will be like God...

In the States, we suffer from arrogance and self-indulgence. In Bolivia, we suffer from a sense of inferiority and a mistrust of authority. Different frailties tied to a particular history, but each linked to the ultimate Fall. Inferiority and mistrust of authority are the cards Satan played to plant doubt in Eve's mind. Arrogance and self-indulgence are the actions that stemmed from that doubt.    

...visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love me and keep my commandments.

Although sin has far-reaching implications from one generation to the next, love reaches thousands. God isn't interested in salvaging the heart of the U.S. or the heart of Bolivia, but making hearts new. In a country where children have been raised to think that they are inferior and that authority cannot be trusted, the Father has created a school. In this school, children learn that they are treasured and deeply loved, and that their Creator and Savior can be trusted. How do they learn this? Through teachers that live among them, spend time with them, talk with them, and begin to understand them. 

Last year, I looked at my students, but did I really see them? That is my challenge this year, and every year that I am called to teach. 

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(Pictures and updates to come soon on my new third grade classroom! Pray for these students and their families to come with hearts open to receive the Gospel. They are His treasures!)