Let Me Be a Woman

One thing God has spoken,
two things I have heard:
“Power belongs to you, God,
and with you, Lord, is unfailing love”

~Pslam 62:11-12

“Both men and women should feel free to be sensitive. Both men and women should feel free to be strong… It is time that we all perceive gender on a spectrum not as two opposing sets of ideals.

If we stop defining each other by what we are not and start defining ourselves by who we are—we can all be freer… and this is what HeForShe is about. It’s about freedom.”  

Speech by UN Women Goodwill Ambassador Emma Watson, United Nations Headquarters, New York, September 2014.

Seven million. That’s how many views this speech has received globally in the past week. The “HeForShe” movement made its public debut on the world stage, spreading as fast as… well, as fast as High-Speed Internet and social media gossip. Which is pretty fast. Really, this should be no surprise considering two factors.

First, gender equality has become a widely accepted banner to rally behind.
Second, it’s Emma Watson.

(Hmm, on second thought, maybe reverse those two…)

If you haven’t heard the speech yet, here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gkjW9PZBRfk

Oh, those injustices of gender discrimination infuriate us, don’t they? It just boils the blood. Why yes, we should be free from cultural gender norms, shouldn’t we? And who better to promote this cause than the actress who brought to life our beloved Harry Potter heroine? You know, Hermione – the clever one who didn’t care what other people thought of her. The one who taught millions of female readers that worthiness doesn’t come from looks or popularity.  

An opening question: Why is a schoolteacher talking about this on her blog about overseas missions? Good question.

The answer is, when seven million people are talking about something in our culture, something that can have a significant impact on our perceptions and ideals, something that can walk into my classroom and take a seat on any given day, it’s probably worth investigating. That’s especially true when dozens (literally dozens) of your Christian friends seem to be rallying behind it.

Gender equality is a hot topic in education too. Educators have attempted to “neutralize” subject areas and book genres. We use he and she interchangeably. We tell students that they can achieve whatever they want in life, regardless of gender. We place students in mixed gender groups. Girls are seated beside boys. Boys are partnered with girls. We choose gender-neutral colors for student folders and baskets. We selectively encourage girls in subjects like math and science, and later do the same to boys in areas like writing and reading.

Essentially, we ignore what is blatantly staring us in the face: that there is more to gender differences than a box checked Male or Female.

My response to Emma Watson’s speech to the U.N. will not be a popular one. And that’s alright.

Let me begin by saying that I do consider myself a feminist in the sense that I believe being a woman is a worthy and powerful thing to be. I was raised by parents who treasured the fact that I was a girl. My mom has often said how thankful she was that I was born before my brothers. It taught them that women are not to be ridiculed, but respected and valued. I have been involved in many positions of leadership, from school government to academic honor societies to sports teams to music ensembles. Being a woman has not prevented me from pursuing a fulfilling life.

But I did all of these things AS A WOMAN. Not as a gender-neutral human being.

What disturbed me most about Watson’s speech was the assumption that the real enemy is the bondage of gender norms.

“Both men and women should feel free to be sensitive. Both men and women should feel free to be strong...It is time that we all perceive gender on a spectrum not as two opposing sets of ideals.”

I agree wholeheartedly that sensitivity and strength are qualities that both men and women should possess. But let's be clear: being sensitive manifests itself differently in a man than it does in a woman, just as strength is demonstrated differently in a woman than in a man. Why?

Because Gender is NOT a spectrum. (Personality, yes. Likes/dislikes, yes. Gender, no.) I wasn’t born as a girl with boy tendencies. I was born as a girl who happens to enjoy playing sports. The “spectrum” doesn’t determine whether I am MORE or LESS of a girl. I just am one.

Gender is also not an opposing set of ideals either. Our culture did not invent gender; God did. Gender is His design, and He intended it to be separate yet complementary, not opposing. God delights in the differences of femininity and masculinity because both reflect His character in unique ways.

Culture responds to gender, and it should. Because what neutrality really does is deny the differences and create unrealistic expectations. Even though I was given the same opportunities as every boy in my class and even graduated at the top, I didn’t choose to be an engineer or a scientist. I still chose a female-dominated profession. (Which to this day, some of my teachers are still disappointed about.)

Why? Did culture force me to do this? Did my teachers somehow fail me along the way by convincing me I wasn’t good enough? Absolutely not. Being a woman has given me the skills and desire to teach children, to care for them and help them succeed. I love my job, and I wouldn’t want to be doing anything else.

I see this in my classroom every single day. Even in a “gender-neutral environment,” the boys are still going to flick pencil shavings at one another while the girls sit quietly at their desks. If the protagonist of a book is female, the boys will most likely choose something else to read. The girls are still going to line up and take their turns jumping rope at recess while the boys elbow each other on the soccer field. Did I teach them to do these things? Did culture teach them to assume these roles? I’m arguing that gender differences between boys and girls do exist and we shouldn’t fight this; we should embrace it.

Here is what I do in my classroom in response to gender differences.

- I group students based on how they best think and work together. Sometimes this means two girls are paired together because they are more open with each other and balance tasks well. Sometimes this means two boys are paired together because they enjoy turning their work into a competitive game that motivates them to do their best. Sometimes this means a boy and girl are paired together because their differences help each other process and problem solve in new ways.

Word Work Partners

Reading Comprehension Partners

- My instruction is in a constant state of movement. Sometimes students sit at their desks, and then moments later they’re on the carpet with a white board. Sometimes I ask them to pull up a cushion while we read, and other times they’re scrambling into a chair. Sometimes we sing and dance around the room to learn, and other times we quietly write in our journals. The reality is, I know that most of my boys prefer to sprawl out on the floor to learn, while the girls would be perfectly content to sit at their desks, thank-you-very-much. I combine styles, so that everyone has a chance to see how someone else learns best.

Peer Editing at desks for Writing

Number Line Jump for rounding whole numbers

- I also read aloud books that open discussion about gender. One of my favorite series that explores this is Clementine by Sara Pennypacker. It is one of the few series I have found that boys enjoy just as much as the girls, even though the main character is a feisty, eight-year-old, redheaded GIRL. Clementine is spunky, spontaneous, and quick-witted. Her room is in a constant state of disorder, she wears overalls, her favorite subjects are math and art, and her dream is to buy a pet gorilla. She appeals to readers not because she’s in the middle of the “spectrum,” not because she’s trying to be a boy, but because she is unashamedly proud to be a girl.     

 Are there exceptions to the “gender-rule”? Of course. I have boys who love sitting quietly and journaling. I have girls who relish an opportunity to race the boys across the playground. But they still do these things AS A BOY and AS A GIRL. In other words, they do it differently and it’s beautiful.

Elisabeth Elliot puts it best in her book Let Me Be a Woman. (Yes, I stole her title as the title of my blog post. I don't think Elisabeth will mind too much.) She writes, “It is a naive sort of feminism that insists that women prove their ability to do all the things that men do. This is a distortion and a travesty. Men have never sought to prove that they can do all the things women do. Why subject women to purely masculine criteria? Women can and ought to be judged by the criteria of femininity, for it is in their femininity that they participate in the human race. And femininity has its limitations. So has masculinity.”

So, who is the real enemy in the gender equality war? It’s the ones who perpetuate the idea that gender differences are a figment of our culturally-tainted imaginations. If we want a world that treats our sons and daughters exactly the same, in a gender-neutral, non-discriminatory way, our children will never understand the purposeful design of masculinity and femininity.

However, if we want a world that treats our sons and daughter fairly, giving them opportunities where they can embrace and enjoy what it means to be a boy or a girl and teaching them that gender is a gift, then we leave them with a better inheritance.

There are defining limitations to being a woman. There are defining limitations to being a man. That's the design. Our guide for truth about femininity and masculinity cannot be informed by what is culturally acceptable, because that can change in the blink of an eye. Gender is fixed, and so we need an unshakeable Word to explain the reason. This can only come from Scripture, from what God intended and uses to honor Himself. 

One thing God has spoken,
two things I have heard:
“Power belongs to you, God,
and with you, Lord, is unfailing love”

~Pslam 62:11-12

Just as God speaks one thing, we can hear two different truths about His character. Power and unfailing love. Separate, yet complementary. The same is true of gender. It's a design with two different notes. Equally beautiful and equally worthy. Separate and distinct. And when the notes are played together, we get a better picture of who God really is.  

"If we stop defining each other by what we are not and start defining ourselves by who we are—we can all be freer… and this is what HeForShe is about. It’s about freedom.” 

We don’t need freedom from gender norms. We need freedom within them. And that kind of freedom only comes from God.