Whole Without a Better Half

For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. ~Hebrews 12:11

Eighteen pairs of little sneakers squirm and wiggle in front of me. It’s time for a new writing project.

“For this piece, we’re going to create our own characters and investigate what it would be like if they had a crazy dream… like a pirate wanting to become an opera singer, or a dog that dreams of traveling to Saturn…”

Eighteen pairs of shoulders shake up and down and their fingers twitch, itching for their pencils.

“So for our model today, let’s choose a character… How about a third grade teacher?” Sideways smiles are passed from student to student. “What would be the crazy dream of a third grade teacher?”

Five hands fly up. Nine. Twelve. Here we go.

“Yes, Luke?”

“To get MARRIED!”

The words fly out of his mouth like marbles spilling across the floor of an empty room. And they’re so straightforward and unassuming and have so little to do with World Cup soccer or dolphins or vampires that I feel like someone just slapped me in the face. But this eight-year-old boy is looking up at me, unaffected, completely unaware of how bizarrely ordinary his answer was, so I wear a quick smile and say, “Alright!”

Before we know it, the third grade teacher [insert name] who “loves peanut butter more than anything in the world” (no connection whatsoever) is walking down the aisle to the Peanut Butter King and they live happily ever after in their peanut butter castle. The End.

So eighteen pairs of little sneakers scurry back to their literacy centers, and a few pencils start scratching paper, but I’m left wondering, “Since when did getting married become my crazy dream?”

…..

I’ll be completely honest with you. The single life has not always been a walk in the park.

I attribute the struggle to my early love of Hans Christian Andersen’s book of fairy tales. Which led to my love of Rodger and Hammerstein’s stage production of Cinderella. Which contributed to my desire to be a princess for Halloween every year.
 

White horses and happy endings. Glass slippers and true love. Not exactly the best ingredients to prepare you for the single life.

When I was four years old, my grandmother recalls a moment when she and I were playing with Barbie dolls in our family den, and she had the nerve to ask me, “So, is Barbie going to work today?”

Oh boy. You should have seen the look on my face.

“No, Grams,” I replied, practically seething. “Barbie doesn’t go to work. Barbie has to stay home and take care of the children!”

Yes. I was a very progressive child.

Come to think of it, I wonder what my four-year-old self would have thought of this unmarried, childless, Bolivia-based schoolteacher and her crazy dream. Sends a shiver up my spine.

…..

"What's wrong with her?"

No one says it out loud. They never do. But somehow their eyes say it across the table at your best friend's wedding. Or at the family gathering, the staff holiday party, the class reunion. It's been years now, and isn't it about time, and here's some free advice, sweetheart...

And you make a joke. Laugh it off. Change the subject. But before you know it, you start to wonder if there really is something wrong with you. Because every now and then, being single feels like you're broken. Like there are invisible holes inside of you that everyone else sees and wants to fix.  

A few days ago, a very popular (and controversial) Christian writer named Matt Walsh was featured on The Blaze with a post entitled, "Hey Young People: Now's the Time to Get Married and Have Kids." In this post, he notes all the benefits of getting married early in life and reproaches single 20-somethings for being "marriage-averse." Here's a direct quote:

"So if you really want to do something bold and beautiful with your youth – love someone, commit to them, have kids, forge a place in this world for you and your family. You can go stare at a building in Europe and walk across sandy beaches on the Pacific, but none of those experiences will teach you more about yourself and the world than staring into someone’s eyes and saying “I do,” or holding your child and swearing silently to God that you will gladly die for this little being in your arms."

"In the end, these are the things most of us long for, whether we know it or not. We want to commit ourselves to that which is greater than ourselves. We want to love, to fight, to live for something."

And this is exactly the attitude that causes our single Christians so much anxiety.

A couple reflections on what he said:

1. Just because I am single does not mean that I am opposed to marriage. Most single Christians that I know do have a desire to be married one day. But that doesn't change the fact that right now we are single. So, what are we to do with these pesky singles...

2. I believe that doing something bold and beautiful with your youth means being obedient to God's will for your life. Maybe that's getting married; maybe it isn't. It's a good thing that my Father in heaven doesn't label these years I've spent loving my students, my family, and my friends as my "misspent youth," merely because I'm unmarried.

3. During the years I've spent as a single adult, I haven't taken much time staring at a building in Europe or walking across sandy beaches on the Pacific. I've been a little busy with other things. But even if I did appreciate the French Gothic architecture of the Notre Dame cathedral in Paris, or spent a weekend enjoying a sunset over the Pacific, who is to say that those experiences cannot be used to glorify God, or teach us truths about His character?

4. You're right, Matt. Most of us do long to commit ourselves to something greater than ourselves. Like a family. Or maybe a ministry. But be warned - whatever we commit ourselves to has the potential to become an idol that masters us. So really, what we should be committed to is God, because He's the only one who should have that kind of authority.

Overall, I think this writer has some great points about the way our culture perceives marriage. But when you and I find fault in a single status, especially in Christians, what we're really saying is that there's something wrong with the story God's writing in that person's life.

Here's some free advice from a single woman: A relationship status cannot complete you. It cannot give you peace. And it especially cannot save you.

It took me longer than I'd like to admit, but I am finally learning that wholeness and strength and beauty are within my grasp regardless of any earthly circumstance. My real worth and dignity are found in ONE relationship status that is going to last forever. And once I started tearing down the lies that I wasn’t “enough” (whatever that means), I found that my Father designed me intentionally and purposefully and beautifully in my singleness, and that His grace for me was and is enough right now.

Joy and peace and purpose -- as a single woman. Not broken, but whole.

Luci Swindoll, author of Wide My World, Narrow My Bed, is a powerful spokeswoman for single Christians. She writes, “I believe I will receive from life in direct proportion to that part of myself I am able and willing to give.”

When I started to accept and embrace my singleness, He enabled me to give of myself in ways I never had before. He let my dreams die, forced me to rest, prepared my heart for service, and then put me to work. God took my little, self-absorbed, post-grad life and made it BIG. Bigger than I could have imagined or even asked for. And that’s what surrender does – loosen our hands of what’s worthless and give us something worth dying and living for. A crazy dream.

The single life is hard. But single does not mean “alone.” Your life doesn’t begin once you meet that special someone. It begins the moment you accept the truth of the Gospel and are trained by it. Whether single or married, God’s got a crazy dream for your life because in Christ you are whole without a “better half.” 

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Photo Updates!

 

 This past month, we have had MANY visitors at Highlands. First, our school hosted the NICS South America Directors Conference. We had directors from our sister-schools in Brazil, Venezuela, and Peru. In addition, several team members from the NICS Home Office came to visit us as well. We loved getting to show off our awesome school & students!

 

 (Third Grade, enjoying a visit from Chris Fryar - director of our school in Brasilia, Brazil.)

Next, the Upper Elementary students participated in our annual Spiritual Emphasis Week at Highlands. This is a special event when students get to hear from guest speakers that teach them the importance of the Gospel message! This year, our friend John Sayger, Youth Pastor at Colonial Hills Church, came to share with our students. We had so much fun singing, dancing, drawing, and learning from him!

 

We also had an acting group (Puerta de Bolivia) come to HIS to inform and entertain our elementary students about tourism in La Paz. Our favorite part was when the fighting cholita wrestled a thief who happened to be wearing an Ohio State hoodie. Watch out for those Buckeyes.

 

 This month was also important because our class began the big MULTIPLICATION unit. Their little multiplication monsters are quickly moving up the levels as we learn more and more. You know you've won when your students are begging you for one more multiplication test.

 

20 homemade flashcards... Let's monster some multiplication!

 

 

The students had to multiply to find how many arms, legs, eyes, horns, and teeth their own monster would have. They turned out beautifully!

 

And, of course, it's Writing Celebration Time! Students wrote and read their personal narratives -- true, small-moment stories. We listened and munched on pumpkin spice cookies with cups of milk.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Even though it's spring here in Bolivia, our American staff always loves to celebrate a little bit of autumn this time of year. Our Member Care committee hosted a "Decades"-themed Harvest Party. I chose my favorite decade (1940s) and one of my favorite heroines - Amelia Earhart.

 

 

My friend "Rosie" and I, representing the '40s.

 

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Sending out some love to my readers! Thank you for sharing this journey, friends! This last picture is just for YOU. Hope it makes you smile! (By the way, if you ever hear of a Mustache Tango Festival, let me know. I want to be there.)