So you can imagine my surprise one Sunday when I discover a tall green weed. That’s all, just one skinny stem stretching away from the soil, reaching toward the sun. A week later there are more. Patches of clover and other tall green weeds. I suppose there is some life left in this old clay pot. I smile. It’s a small surprise. Harmless, seemingly insignificant, adding some color to this white space.
But then I think of other surprises in my life, bigger ones. To put it politely, surprises and I have had a tense relationship. Hmm, that seems dishonest. Alright, I'll just come out and say it.
I hate surprises. Vehemently hate them.
But I wasn’t always this way. As a child I loved when my parents surprised me because I knew that whatever was coming would be good. I knew that the surprise would add joy and laughter and love. A mountain bike, a family vacation out West, a visit from Grandma. But somehow as I got older, I started to cringe at the word surprise until I shut the door completely.
The first time I realized this was on my eighteenth birthday. I had made no plans, which was a bit unusual for a girl who loved to play the hostess. Instead my mom agreed to take me out to one of my favorite places called Color-Me-Mine, a pottery painting studio, just the two of us.
A few minutes after our arrival, a chorus of female voices began singing the “Happy Birthday” song from a hidden corner of the studio. I can still remember that sickening feeling as the sound grew from a whisper to a roar and I knew there was no place for me to run. I will never forget the look on their faces, beaming proudly at me, waiting expectantly for my response.
Although there are no photographs of my face at that moment, I know exactly what it was doing because moments later I burst into tears. And not the happy ones. Not the tears of joy you'd think I'd be crying. No, these were scornful, hateful tears. Tears that said, “How could you do this to me?”
Of course, my friends didn’t know this as they clustered around me in a heap of giggles and chitchat and birthday cake. The tears were affirmation that they had done a marvelous job. If any of them had truly known how I had felt, they would have kept me at arms-length rather than wrapping me in warm, delighted hugs.
Why did I respond with such venom? Because you can’t control a surprise. It is completely unpredictable and frightening and, sometimes, downright annoying.
It’s like the weird relative that shows up at your door, uninvited. You can’t turn him away, but you don’t know when he’s coming. You don’t know how long he’ll stay. You don’t know what he’ll bring. Good news, bad news? Are you staying for dinner? Oh, you’re sleeping over. For the rest of the week. Sure, why not? Just come and invade my life. I don’t mind. At all.
And that’s how surprises became for me. Intrusive and hostile and unpleasant. Even the good ones. It started happening at the same time that my doubts about God surfaced. Not doubts that He was there, but doubts that He cared about my good. I began to distrust the surprising parts of my life because they were troubling reminders that I wasn’t in control and He was. As I child, I could easily trust my parents. As an adult, I've found it hard to trust my Father.
If you’ve studied Scripture, then you know that God absolutely delights in surprising people. It’s just part of His character. That’s what makes His narrative so thrilling. Surprises are breaks from routine and order and sense. Isaac’s birth and a baby in the Nile. Shepherd David and mighty Goliath. Daniel and some hungry lions. Jesus, a carpenter from Nazareth. The third day and an empty tomb. We read the stories, and even if we’ve heard them a thousand times, somehow they still take our breath away.
But when it comes to our own lives, surprises become less thrilling and more unnerving. Surprises are good in theory, but not in practice. And the frustrating thing is, surprises are non-negotiable. Just because I despise them does not mean God’s going to take them away. C'est la vie. The truth is, a lot of people would excuse this as a personality trait. So you don't like surprises...so what? But He knows that the way I feel about surprises has more to do with my relationship with Him. It isn’t a pet peeve; it’s a spiritual battle.
One of my favorite movies of all time is Steve Carell’s “Dan in Real Life.” It’s an endearing story about a widower with three daughters who unexpectedly falls in love. In the final quote of the movie, Dan, a newspaper advice columnist, writes:
For most of you, this is my first column in your paper. In the future, I will be answering your questions, but today I want to break from my usual format and talk to you about the subject of plans. Not so much my plan for this column, but life plans, and how we all make them. And how we hope that our kids make good, smart, safe plans of their own. But if we're really honest with ourselves, our plans usually don't work out as we had hoped. So instead of asking our young people "What are you plans? What do you plan to do with your life?" maybe we should tell them this: Plan to be surprised.”
Expecting the unexpected. Planning on the surprise. It’s a bizarre concept for someone who likes to know what’s coming next. Someone who fears the unknown. But the truth is that without surprises, our lives become boxes. Little, controllable boxes where we can shield out the things we don't like, the things that make us uncomfortable, the things that would challenge us. (I know. Some of you are thinking, 'Gee, that sounds kind of nice!')
Yet God's plans for our lives are deeper and richer and far more fulfilling than that. Our lives are meant to be an epic, not a cookie-cutter recipe. And when we learn to submit our fears and accept the surprises, they become less terrifying, and more thrilling. More awe-inspiring. Just as He intended them to be.
He has surprised me in this season in small ways, like life in a clay pot.
He has surprised me in this season in big ways, like a new job and a place to live.
Oh, I don't think I mentioned this before. Surprise!! (See what I did there?) God swept me off my feet with this one. After spotting a teaching position on my college's online job resource, I applied, and within hours received a positive response. And you won't believe it, but the principal actually started reading my blog! This blog! (In fact, she might be reading this now.) Who knew that this online diary of teaching and serving would help me as I interviewed? God certainly did.
To make a long story short, next year I will be the new fourth grade teacher at the Covenant School in Charlottesville, VA! I am completely humbled to join this amazing faculty of committed Christian educators. Not only that, but I'll be working alongside a fellow Grove City College graduate in the fourth grade! Woo-hoo!
And if that wasn't enough, God even took the time to surprise me with a place to live. I had my eye on a little studio apartment close to the downtown area. (Let me tell you. It is NOT easy apartment hunting from 4,000 miles away.) As I talked with the owner, she asked me where I was teaching, so I told her La Paz, Bolivia. Just as I was gearing up to explain where that was in the world, she immediately said, "La Paz, Bolivia? No way! I was just there visiting a friend! In fact, I was going through my photos of La Paz this morning before you called." Coincidence? Don't make me laugh.
Surprises are a part of God's character, and so they are a part of my story. And every surprise is a glimpse of Him, the only trustworthy One. So today I will believe that no matter what's coming, even if it may not seem good at the time, has the power to make me good, to make this world good, and to make God's love known in beautiful, unexpected ways.
So here it comes. The dangerous prayer to accompany a new chapter: "Lord, surprise me."
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Some quick photo updates since my last post!
My mom Cindy and Aunt Karen had a WONDERFUL visit in February! We traveled to Potosi and explored the city of La Paz. The greatest part for me was having them meet my students. Thank you to those who kept this trip in your prayers!
Highlands Talent Show
Three friends and I spent our Easter vacation in Santiago, Chile! It was an amazing city, and after three 3-hour walking tours it's safe to say we learned so much about Chilean culture and history. We were blessed by beautiful weather and safe traveling.
Crossing the border from Bolivia to Chile
Santiago Skyline
Santa Lucia Hill and parks
The port city of Valparaiso
Good Friday
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